I've heard them hundreds of times throughout my life. They comes from the lips of fathers, brothers and husbands everywhere. If you're a woman, I know you've heard them too. They are phrases that include, but are not limited to,
"When's the last time you checked the oil in this thing?"
"That tire's low, better stop and get some air 'fore it goes flat. Make sure you check the sidewall to see how much to put in it. Don't over-inflate!"
"What's your antifreeze readin' at? Winter's comin'"
....and so on and so on.
They focus on maintenance, upkeep and prevention. After all, a ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right? (Plus they know, in most cases, they are the ones who have to fix it, or pay to have it fixed.)
But, sometimes, just maybe, they forget about something just as important. Something they depend on every day. Something they would miss if they woke up one day and it was gone...
Much like the earth itself, women are viewed by their families as having unlimited resources. They are drawn from on a regular basis, but rarely are they attended to. One would not think of driving one's car endlessly without paying attention to the gas gauge! Let a man smell the slightest hint of "hot" coming from under his hood and he's pulling over to investigate. My own would emphatically state, "This vehicle is not moving one inch further. Call a wrecker." They are very intune to those potential mehanical failures, but often miss the damage they cause their relationships through unrealized neglect. It's not intentional, any more than a teenager running out of gas.
Still, it doesn't change the outcome. Your car still won't run.
But your wife might...
Fellas, it's like this...You either love her, or you don't. You either want her, or you'd rather be without her. But ignoring her and neglecting her should never be acceptable. As women we are born into competition. We feel it from the moment another little girl says, "I'm prettier than you." From that day forward, we continuely compare ourselves to the other women around us. We look to you for validation. We look to you for approval. Many may not admit it, but we need you to say you notice, and appreciate, what we do. We need to know that we have your full attention, if only for a hour. A look, a touch, a soft word. Listen to your wife as closely as you listen to your engine. Be mindful of those subtle changes in her response time, in the sound of her voice. Notice when things might be getting a little over-heated and stop long enough to investigate. If you don't, the whole thing might just blow up in your face...
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Malnutrition
Psalms 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
When my daughter took her (then) boyfriend to meet her grandmother, the first thing she told him was, "She's gonna wanna feed you." Sure enough, Grandma offered up a plethora of choices ranging from pies and puddings to soups and casseroles. Never, ever does anyone leave her house hungry. If you do it's your own dang fault. I dare say that none of us have ever arisen from a table full of food still hungry, unless we were limiting ourselves for a reason.
My husband often questions the lack of knowledge and understanding many Christians seem to exhibit. "They stand there and say they're in church every Sunday, but their lives are an emotional train wreck. How can they not know how to find peace?"
It's a little like sitting down, starving, at a table full of food and not eating a bite.
The bible tells us to "taste" the Lord and see that He is good. Taste is the only sense that is basically voluntary and self-controlled. You can hear things you don't want to hear, feel things you don't want to feel, see things you don't want to see, (just go to the beach!) and smell things you'd rather not smell. (reference the song "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.) But rarely do we taste something without our consent. We open up, draw it inside ourselves and experience it's flavor and texture in order to determine if it's "good" or not.
God is good in so many ways! He has a multitude of flavors and textures to explore. He can fill the emptiness inside you and satisfy the hunger that is eating away at you. He has a table full of blessing spread out before you, just waiting for you to partake of the feast! His bounty is endless, and it's available to you the moment you sit at His table.
Just remember, if you walk away hungry, it's your own dang fault...
When my daughter took her (then) boyfriend to meet her grandmother, the first thing she told him was, "She's gonna wanna feed you." Sure enough, Grandma offered up a plethora of choices ranging from pies and puddings to soups and casseroles. Never, ever does anyone leave her house hungry. If you do it's your own dang fault. I dare say that none of us have ever arisen from a table full of food still hungry, unless we were limiting ourselves for a reason.
My husband often questions the lack of knowledge and understanding many Christians seem to exhibit. "They stand there and say they're in church every Sunday, but their lives are an emotional train wreck. How can they not know how to find peace?"
It's a little like sitting down, starving, at a table full of food and not eating a bite.
The bible tells us to "taste" the Lord and see that He is good. Taste is the only sense that is basically voluntary and self-controlled. You can hear things you don't want to hear, feel things you don't want to feel, see things you don't want to see, (just go to the beach!) and smell things you'd rather not smell. (reference the song "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.) But rarely do we taste something without our consent. We open up, draw it inside ourselves and experience it's flavor and texture in order to determine if it's "good" or not.
God is good in so many ways! He has a multitude of flavors and textures to explore. He can fill the emptiness inside you and satisfy the hunger that is eating away at you. He has a table full of blessing spread out before you, just waiting for you to partake of the feast! His bounty is endless, and it's available to you the moment you sit at His table.
Just remember, if you walk away hungry, it's your own dang fault...
Sunday, May 27, 2012
June 4, 1928-Novemeber 14, 1979
My Pastor has a saying,
"God will forgive you, but the laws of nature may not." In other words, while God has promised to offer you forgiveness for whatever sin you may have committed, the self-abuse of your body is at the mercy of nature itself...
...And she is a vicious Mistress.
As this holiday of remembrance and reflection moves into full swing, I am reminded of the one man who fits this bill more than any.
My father.
As a child, my first memories of my father were of a man who seemed very old and very ill. Cardiovascular disease had started it's erosive process, and to my dismay, my father made no attempts to thwart it. If anything, he assisted in his own drawn out demise. The Dr. said "Lose weight." Dad said "I'll eat what I want." The Dr. warned, "If you continue smoking, it's going to kill you." Dad said "A man's gotta die of something." The Dr. said, "Get some exercise!" Dad said "I can't breath now."
And on and on and on.....
Slowly, but surely, I could see not only battles being lost, but the war as well. A heart attack here, a stroke there, blood clots cropping up in various limbs. Speech slowing, gait becoming more unsteady, and yet the bad habits continued.
No amount of begging, pleading, or cajoling could stop him from his self-destruction, or from his suicidal tendency. He was more in love with his murderers than he was with anyone in his family.
I can still recall the moment when the gravity of the situation hit me right between the eyes. My sister was contemplating marriage, and I asked my father if he could give her away without crying. He assured me he could. Then I asked him if he was going to give me away when I married the man of my dreams. He took a drag off is camel stud and shook his head. I teased him by saying "What? You're not going to let me go?" Without looking at me, he simply said "I'll be dead by the time you marry."
He was an honest man at least.
My father was dead by the time I married. He was dead before I went to the prom, before I got my license, before I learned how to drive, even before I entered high school.
Gone. Fini. Dead.
Today I challenge each one of you to take a long look at yourself, your life, and the decisions you are making that will impact not only your future, but the future of those you love, and those who love you.
Step back and ask yourself if you want to be a memory, or make one.
"God will forgive you, but the laws of nature may not." In other words, while God has promised to offer you forgiveness for whatever sin you may have committed, the self-abuse of your body is at the mercy of nature itself...
...And she is a vicious Mistress.
As this holiday of remembrance and reflection moves into full swing, I am reminded of the one man who fits this bill more than any.
My father.
As a child, my first memories of my father were of a man who seemed very old and very ill. Cardiovascular disease had started it's erosive process, and to my dismay, my father made no attempts to thwart it. If anything, he assisted in his own drawn out demise. The Dr. said "Lose weight." Dad said "I'll eat what I want." The Dr. warned, "If you continue smoking, it's going to kill you." Dad said "A man's gotta die of something." The Dr. said, "Get some exercise!" Dad said "I can't breath now."
And on and on and on.....
Slowly, but surely, I could see not only battles being lost, but the war as well. A heart attack here, a stroke there, blood clots cropping up in various limbs. Speech slowing, gait becoming more unsteady, and yet the bad habits continued.
No amount of begging, pleading, or cajoling could stop him from his self-destruction, or from his suicidal tendency. He was more in love with his murderers than he was with anyone in his family.
I can still recall the moment when the gravity of the situation hit me right between the eyes. My sister was contemplating marriage, and I asked my father if he could give her away without crying. He assured me he could. Then I asked him if he was going to give me away when I married the man of my dreams. He took a drag off is camel stud and shook his head. I teased him by saying "What? You're not going to let me go?" Without looking at me, he simply said "I'll be dead by the time you marry."
He was an honest man at least.
My father was dead by the time I married. He was dead before I went to the prom, before I got my license, before I learned how to drive, even before I entered high school.
Gone. Fini. Dead.
Today I challenge each one of you to take a long look at yourself, your life, and the decisions you are making that will impact not only your future, but the future of those you love, and those who love you.
Step back and ask yourself if you want to be a memory, or make one.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
two shoes
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
My daughter, Nikki, called me to tell me "a funny" on my granddaughter Maci, who will be 3 in May...
"I took the girls and bought them some new shoes at Kohl's. For some reason Maci just starting crying and screaming 'My shoes, my shoes!' I couldn't figure out what her issue was. I finally threatened her with putting her shoes back and taking a trip to the bathroom if she didn't stop. So she flipped the box open and said 'Mama, I got two feet, but you only got me one shoe!' That's when I realized she couldn't see the other shoe because it was wrapped up in the tissue paper. I pointed it out and she smiled and said 'ooohhh, it was there the whole time'!"
Christians often act the same way.
How many times have we fretted because God hasn't let us see the blessing that is still wrapped up in the box? How many times have we doubted that He has provided for us completely, instead of just partially. How many times have we accused Him of only giving us one shoe?
As our Father, God will never neglect us, abuse us or short-change us. He is not a God of half-love, half-truths or half-blessings. He is the God of too much, the God of over-abundance. If we will take the time to discover the truth about His goodness and mercy we will realize that His blessings abound, even if we don't see them right away. With patience and faith we will soon discover that it, indeed, was there the whole time...
How many times have we fretted because God hasn't let us see the blessing that is still wrapped up in the box? How many times have we doubted that He has provided for us completely, instead of just partially. How many times have we accused Him of only giving us one shoe?
As our Father, God will never neglect us, abuse us or short-change us. He is not a God of half-love, half-truths or half-blessings. He is the God of too much, the God of over-abundance. If we will take the time to discover the truth about His goodness and mercy we will realize that His blessings abound, even if we don't see them right away. With patience and faith we will soon discover that it, indeed, was there the whole time...
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
It's all in the tellin'
Throughout my life there have been only a handful of places where I felt truely comfortable. Not just welcomed, but an actual piece to the puzzle, an integral part of the whole. A feeling as if, during it's creation, the creator thought of me.
One of those places was the farm on which I grew up. The creek that ran through it sang me to peace many times. The killdeer that scurried about brought hours of laughter and enjoyment. The smell that is horse sweat, leather and sweet feed assail me still, when I have the courage to let my memory wander back that far.
A few short miles from my own personal heaven was another. It was the home of my Godparents, and my parents' best friends, the Peines.
As a young girl, I remember visiting their house of an evening with my parents. The ladies would converge in the living room, and the men would sit around the kitchen table and talk dogs, horses, and anything else that came to mind. The room was full of colorful phrases and booming laughter, hot coffee and cigarette smoke...and one small girl, sitting at her father's feet, or occasionally on his knee. This was my entertainment. To me, it was better than Ringling Brothers, the county fair or the school carnival. Attempts to entice me into the living room were ignored.
The ladies were boring!
The men....well...they had stories to tell. They also had mannerism and habits to which my mother prefer I not be exposed. "Get your feet off the table Tom Peine!" became such a catch phrase in our family, my oldest granddaughter actually asked me one day who he was. Apparently she had put her feet on her Mama's kitchen table, and when swatted for doing so, was admonished in the same way I had been during my own childhood!
Unfortunately, time takes us all captive. People die, farms are sold, your welcome grows cold...but the memories, oh how the memories remain....
Long after my father died, I went to visit his best friend on Memorial Day. I chose to do that over putting flowers on the grave that holds his earthly remians.
As we sat on the back porch silently enjoying the sunshine, Tom took a deep breath, squinted out over the field in front of us and said, "I sure do miss your daddy."
I whispered, "So do I."
He then began to smile, the smile turning into laughter as he spoke,
"Did I ever tell you about the time...."
One of those places was the farm on which I grew up. The creek that ran through it sang me to peace many times. The killdeer that scurried about brought hours of laughter and enjoyment. The smell that is horse sweat, leather and sweet feed assail me still, when I have the courage to let my memory wander back that far.
A few short miles from my own personal heaven was another. It was the home of my Godparents, and my parents' best friends, the Peines.
As a young girl, I remember visiting their house of an evening with my parents. The ladies would converge in the living room, and the men would sit around the kitchen table and talk dogs, horses, and anything else that came to mind. The room was full of colorful phrases and booming laughter, hot coffee and cigarette smoke...and one small girl, sitting at her father's feet, or occasionally on his knee. This was my entertainment. To me, it was better than Ringling Brothers, the county fair or the school carnival. Attempts to entice me into the living room were ignored.
The ladies were boring!
The men....well...they had stories to tell. They also had mannerism and habits to which my mother prefer I not be exposed. "Get your feet off the table Tom Peine!" became such a catch phrase in our family, my oldest granddaughter actually asked me one day who he was. Apparently she had put her feet on her Mama's kitchen table, and when swatted for doing so, was admonished in the same way I had been during my own childhood!
Unfortunately, time takes us all captive. People die, farms are sold, your welcome grows cold...but the memories, oh how the memories remain....
Long after my father died, I went to visit his best friend on Memorial Day. I chose to do that over putting flowers on the grave that holds his earthly remians.
As we sat on the back porch silently enjoying the sunshine, Tom took a deep breath, squinted out over the field in front of us and said, "I sure do miss your daddy."
I whispered, "So do I."
He then began to smile, the smile turning into laughter as he spoke,
"Did I ever tell you about the time...."
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
For the Good of the Child...
1 Samuel 1:26-28
'...and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.
The above words were spoken by Hannah, mother of Samuel. She had a miracle child, and like most mothers, she loved him very deeply. So much in fact, she gave him back to the Lord, because she felt like it was the best thing for him. She did not think of herself, or what she desired. She only had her child's best interests at heart. Samuel became a great prophet in Israel. Something he would not have done if his mother had sought her own will for him.
I wonder if the parents of children suffering through a divorce ever think of their children's welfare the way Hannah did Samuel's.
In most cases, it seems very doubtful.
People have often asked me how my ex and I kept things so civil. I tell them it was fairly easy. We both continue to parent our children together, and put their feelings far above our own. Though both of us had obvious faults and failings, loving our daughters wasn't one of them.
Holidays were their choice. Weekends too.
They never asked me "Can I go to dad's" they just said "I'm going to dad's"
He only stopped being my husband, he did not stop being their father.
Divorce does not give the custodial parent exclusive rights to a child's love and affection.
Divorce does not give anyone the right to degrade a child's parent. Children don't need to hear negative comments about their mother or father. It's emotionally detrimental, and completely unnecessary!
Divorce does not give anyone the right to undermine another's relationship with a child.
And it certainly doesn't make it ok to keep a child from someone they love, and who loves them, just out of spite.
While I do realize there are situations in which children may not understand the need to be protected from an unstable parent, more often than not, it's simply one parent trying to "one up" the other. This is done when one's hatred for their ex exceeds their love for their child.Their need to destroy the other person becomes so intense, they never notice their son or daughter has become a casualty.
Damage, pain, fear, emotional torment...sounds suspiciously like abuse...doesn't it?
'...and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.
The above words were spoken by Hannah, mother of Samuel. She had a miracle child, and like most mothers, she loved him very deeply. So much in fact, she gave him back to the Lord, because she felt like it was the best thing for him. She did not think of herself, or what she desired. She only had her child's best interests at heart. Samuel became a great prophet in Israel. Something he would not have done if his mother had sought her own will for him.
I wonder if the parents of children suffering through a divorce ever think of their children's welfare the way Hannah did Samuel's.
In most cases, it seems very doubtful.
People have often asked me how my ex and I kept things so civil. I tell them it was fairly easy. We both continue to parent our children together, and put their feelings far above our own. Though both of us had obvious faults and failings, loving our daughters wasn't one of them.
Holidays were their choice. Weekends too.
They never asked me "Can I go to dad's" they just said "I'm going to dad's"
He only stopped being my husband, he did not stop being their father.
Divorce does not give the custodial parent exclusive rights to a child's love and affection.
Divorce does not give anyone the right to degrade a child's parent. Children don't need to hear negative comments about their mother or father. It's emotionally detrimental, and completely unnecessary!
Divorce does not give anyone the right to undermine another's relationship with a child.
And it certainly doesn't make it ok to keep a child from someone they love, and who loves them, just out of spite.
While I do realize there are situations in which children may not understand the need to be protected from an unstable parent, more often than not, it's simply one parent trying to "one up" the other. This is done when one's hatred for their ex exceeds their love for their child.Their need to destroy the other person becomes so intense, they never notice their son or daughter has become a casualty.
Damage, pain, fear, emotional torment...sounds suspiciously like abuse...doesn't it?
Friday, March 2, 2012
All's Fair
Recently, there have many articles written, many protests staged, and many Facebook posts regarding several hot topics and controversial subjects. I have read entries on gay marriage, abortion, assisted suicide, and, just last night, an article touting infanticide as an "after-birth abortion" that should logically(?) be viewed in the same light.
The people that support these things do so armed with the mindset that what they do in their personal life is no one's business. They claim their decisions have no bearing on anyone else's life. "My life, my body, my choice."
In the court of morality, our society has insisted that biblical testimony be stricken from the record. Our government maintains that the rights of one's fist end at the tip of another's nose. If that be the case, then I say, let's be fair.
If a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, (and the fetus it carries) women and men should have the right to make decisions concerning all body parts, and the use thereof. Legalize prostitution, euthanasia and allow people to auction off their organs. After all, if you want me to have complete control over what I do with my body, that should be all-inclusive.
To go a step further, what about the fetus's father. Why does he have no rights? If the woman decides to terminate against his wishes, he is denied a child. If she chooses to continue against his wishes, he has a child thrust upon him. That's a bit of a double standard. One can argue that the woman has to have the baby, and I agree that's true. But what if it's the other way around. She has the right to decided she doesn't want a child, but he does not?
If no one has the right to say who you marry, then let it be across the board. Although I prefer a heterosexual, monogamous relationship based on biblical standards, I see no reason to limit the alternatives. Let polygamy be a legal and acceptable union. If three women choose to align themselves with one man, and all involved are happy and in agreement, then let them be. If the government has concerns with benefits, let them set a limit and have that amount divided amongst them. It needn't be an issue if handled correctly.
On the same note, millions of dollars could and would be saved, as well as many an innocent life, if drugs were handled like alcohol. Let's get down where the rubber meets the road. Tobacco and alcohol are just as erosive to human life and existence as anything else. No drug wars, no cartels, fewer law enforcement officials being killed during routine traffic stops. Legalize it, tax it,(after all, money is the real issue here) monitor it, and let natural selection take it's course. If someone's fist is caught too close to another's nose, then jail them. Otherwise, stay out of their life.
Morality cannot be policed, it cannot be enforced and it cannot be mandated. It can only be encouraged. Each of us has to look into our own hearts and decided for ourselves where we stand. I can only hope I am standing on the correct side..
The people that support these things do so armed with the mindset that what they do in their personal life is no one's business. They claim their decisions have no bearing on anyone else's life. "My life, my body, my choice."
In the court of morality, our society has insisted that biblical testimony be stricken from the record. Our government maintains that the rights of one's fist end at the tip of another's nose. If that be the case, then I say, let's be fair.
If a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, (and the fetus it carries) women and men should have the right to make decisions concerning all body parts, and the use thereof. Legalize prostitution, euthanasia and allow people to auction off their organs. After all, if you want me to have complete control over what I do with my body, that should be all-inclusive.
To go a step further, what about the fetus's father. Why does he have no rights? If the woman decides to terminate against his wishes, he is denied a child. If she chooses to continue against his wishes, he has a child thrust upon him. That's a bit of a double standard. One can argue that the woman has to have the baby, and I agree that's true. But what if it's the other way around. She has the right to decided she doesn't want a child, but he does not?
If no one has the right to say who you marry, then let it be across the board. Although I prefer a heterosexual, monogamous relationship based on biblical standards, I see no reason to limit the alternatives. Let polygamy be a legal and acceptable union. If three women choose to align themselves with one man, and all involved are happy and in agreement, then let them be. If the government has concerns with benefits, let them set a limit and have that amount divided amongst them. It needn't be an issue if handled correctly.
On the same note, millions of dollars could and would be saved, as well as many an innocent life, if drugs were handled like alcohol. Let's get down where the rubber meets the road. Tobacco and alcohol are just as erosive to human life and existence as anything else. No drug wars, no cartels, fewer law enforcement officials being killed during routine traffic stops. Legalize it, tax it,(after all, money is the real issue here) monitor it, and let natural selection take it's course. If someone's fist is caught too close to another's nose, then jail them. Otherwise, stay out of their life.
Morality cannot be policed, it cannot be enforced and it cannot be mandated. It can only be encouraged. Each of us has to look into our own hearts and decided for ourselves where we stand. I can only hope I am standing on the correct side..
Sunday, February 19, 2012
owning it
I am 46 years old, 5'4" and weigh in, at this moment, at 202. Now, most women would suffer unspeakable tortures before revealing such information. I figure there's no point to hiding , or lying about your age or your weight.
You don't look any younger or any skinnier if you do.
In 1983 I weighed 113 lbs. It's the least I have ever weighed as an adult. I was 17 years old, and my Drum Major skirt had a 23 inch waist. I still have that skirt, but now it fits around my thigh.
Not that it makes a good garter...
The truth of the matter is, I have been selfish. I have put the needs of my mouth over the needs of my body. I have put my desire for pleasure over my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. I have burdened my body with fat that affects my heart, my bones, my liver, and every other organ that is trying to purify what I toxify.
Fat people have no right to berate a smoker, or a drug user. The only difference is, our drug is legal and acceptable.
But it's still just as dangerous.
Fact is, I have to step back and own it. I am a fat girl. I have made choices that have brought me here. I have looked in the mirror, seen what I was doing, and chose to ignore it. I have provided for myself the pleasure of the flesh, and in doing so have damaged the first thing God ever entrusted me with...My own body. I have broken that trust.
Shame on me.
So, with forgiveness in hand, I embark upon this journey to regain what I lost, and lose what I so stupidly gained.
On Tuesday, February 14, I logged on to the Weight Watcher's site and signed up. I decided that maybe this would be the thing that changed my world.
But, I also know that in the end, the only thing that can change my world is me.
You don't look any younger or any skinnier if you do.
In 1983 I weighed 113 lbs. It's the least I have ever weighed as an adult. I was 17 years old, and my Drum Major skirt had a 23 inch waist. I still have that skirt, but now it fits around my thigh.
Not that it makes a good garter...
The truth of the matter is, I have been selfish. I have put the needs of my mouth over the needs of my body. I have put my desire for pleasure over my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. I have burdened my body with fat that affects my heart, my bones, my liver, and every other organ that is trying to purify what I toxify.
Fat people have no right to berate a smoker, or a drug user. The only difference is, our drug is legal and acceptable.
But it's still just as dangerous.
Fact is, I have to step back and own it. I am a fat girl. I have made choices that have brought me here. I have looked in the mirror, seen what I was doing, and chose to ignore it. I have provided for myself the pleasure of the flesh, and in doing so have damaged the first thing God ever entrusted me with...My own body. I have broken that trust.
Shame on me.
So, with forgiveness in hand, I embark upon this journey to regain what I lost, and lose what I so stupidly gained.
On Tuesday, February 14, I logged on to the Weight Watcher's site and signed up. I decided that maybe this would be the thing that changed my world.
But, I also know that in the end, the only thing that can change my world is me.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
who's the Boss?
Ephisians 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
"I may be the head of the household, boys, but my wife is the neck!"
My husband loves to throw that one-liner out during church functions. It hints at the fact that although women are supposed to be submissive, they are still a very integral part of a man's support system and decision making process. It takes an artful and graceful woman to walk that fine line between supporting and usurping. It takes a strong woman to stand back and say "It's your decision." It takes a discerning woman to gently guide that head back into the right direction.
Yes, as women, we are definitely the neck. Without us, the head would have no ability to see from all angles. Thus, being the neck holds much responsibility.
Submission has become somewhat of a dirty word with a negative connotation. We see a woman battered and abused by a controlling man. We see barefoot and pregnant, jumping up at the mere tinkling of an empty glass. We see a woman void of self-esteem and self-confidence, watching her life wither away and die.
It couldn't be farther from the truth.
Interestingly, in this passage, God commanded a woman to be submissive, but He did not command her to love her husband. He did, however, command the man to love his wife. In fact, the command was not just to love her, but love her enough to make sacrifices for her. To love her as Christ loved the church.
That is a really tall order.
So, we get a man (if we choose wisely) who will take responsibility for the decisions he makes, love us with a God kind of love, be willing to make sacrifices for us, cover us, protect us and even be willing to kill or die for us, and all we have to do is let him be the head of the family.
Wow...
Another saying my husband frequently throws out is:
"She treats me like a dog! She makes sure I have plenty to eat, and that I have a cold drink on a hot day, let's me lay my head in her lap, loves on me and tells me what a good boy I am. At night, she lets me snuggle up against her and scratches me in all the right places. She doesn't even yell at me when I make a mess in the house."
So ladies, don't get too worked up over that submission thing. When you really think about it, we get the better end of the deal.
Anyway, where would a head be without a neck? The body would just be a no-neck monster...
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
"I may be the head of the household, boys, but my wife is the neck!"
My husband loves to throw that one-liner out during church functions. It hints at the fact that although women are supposed to be submissive, they are still a very integral part of a man's support system and decision making process. It takes an artful and graceful woman to walk that fine line between supporting and usurping. It takes a strong woman to stand back and say "It's your decision." It takes a discerning woman to gently guide that head back into the right direction.
Yes, as women, we are definitely the neck. Without us, the head would have no ability to see from all angles. Thus, being the neck holds much responsibility.
Submission has become somewhat of a dirty word with a negative connotation. We see a woman battered and abused by a controlling man. We see barefoot and pregnant, jumping up at the mere tinkling of an empty glass. We see a woman void of self-esteem and self-confidence, watching her life wither away and die.
It couldn't be farther from the truth.
Interestingly, in this passage, God commanded a woman to be submissive, but He did not command her to love her husband. He did, however, command the man to love his wife. In fact, the command was not just to love her, but love her enough to make sacrifices for her. To love her as Christ loved the church.
That is a really tall order.
So, we get a man (if we choose wisely) who will take responsibility for the decisions he makes, love us with a God kind of love, be willing to make sacrifices for us, cover us, protect us and even be willing to kill or die for us, and all we have to do is let him be the head of the family.
Wow...
Another saying my husband frequently throws out is:
"She treats me like a dog! She makes sure I have plenty to eat, and that I have a cold drink on a hot day, let's me lay my head in her lap, loves on me and tells me what a good boy I am. At night, she lets me snuggle up against her and scratches me in all the right places. She doesn't even yell at me when I make a mess in the house."
So ladies, don't get too worked up over that submission thing. When you really think about it, we get the better end of the deal.
Anyway, where would a head be without a neck? The body would just be a no-neck monster...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Mr. Fix it
My husband considers himself an average Joe. He has a blue collar job and a high school education.
But, in some ways, he one is of the most insightful philosophers I've ever met, showing me the difference between learned knowledge and God given wisdom.
He's been known to say things like:
"It's ok to bring baggage into a relationship, just don't live out of the suitcase."
or
"The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence."
We recently had a conversation concerning men and women and how relationships go sour. He said,
"Real men are fixers. That's what we do. As a rule, men deal with broken things on two levels. We either fix them, or dispose of them."
So I translated that into real life by asking "So how does that apply to relationships?"
He responded, "If I love you, and you are broken, then I will try to fix you. I will help you heal, care for you, hold you and be kind to you. But if you like being broken, and refuse help because that's your nature, then I'm disposing of you. We don't hold on to broken things very long. We will eventually toss them out.
Here's the thing," he said. "If all I ever hear out of your mouth is negative statements and complaining, I will try and find out why you are unhappy. Just like you always say, I can do things that please you, but I can't make you happy. That's your job. So if a man is in a relationship where all he hears is how bad her life is, and she's always complaining about something, never a positive statement, he will leave. There's no point to the relationship."
I took a moment to digest what initially appeared to be a harsh comment. Reading my mind as he often does he said, "That doesn't mean you can't have a bad day, or come to me to help you sort through an issue. That's part of my committment to you." He then said "You have never been broken. You have been in parts and pieces before, but you bring them to me and ask for help, and we work through it together. You've never desired to stay torn apart. Some women thrive on being broken, and they want to stay that way because it's all they know. Those women will never have a normal, healthy relationship.
You cannot carry around everything that has ever happened to you, every hurt you've ever felt, every name you've been called, every rejection you've ever been subjected to. You have to lay it down, realize there's more to you than all the negative, and move forward."
All of us, men and women alike, should take a long look at what we put into our relationship. Are we lifting our spouse up? Being encouraging and loving? Are we greeting each day with a positive attitude? Are we making that person who lives with us feel like they are a blessing in our lives?
Not every situation is the same, and there are some terrible people out there who have no idea how to love others. I have met them and have seen the damage they cause. However, it doesn't hurt to take stock of your relationship. It might be the difference between life and death....
But, in some ways, he one is of the most insightful philosophers I've ever met, showing me the difference between learned knowledge and God given wisdom.
He's been known to say things like:
"It's ok to bring baggage into a relationship, just don't live out of the suitcase."
or
"The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence."
We recently had a conversation concerning men and women and how relationships go sour. He said,
"Real men are fixers. That's what we do. As a rule, men deal with broken things on two levels. We either fix them, or dispose of them."
So I translated that into real life by asking "So how does that apply to relationships?"
He responded, "If I love you, and you are broken, then I will try to fix you. I will help you heal, care for you, hold you and be kind to you. But if you like being broken, and refuse help because that's your nature, then I'm disposing of you. We don't hold on to broken things very long. We will eventually toss them out.
Here's the thing," he said. "If all I ever hear out of your mouth is negative statements and complaining, I will try and find out why you are unhappy. Just like you always say, I can do things that please you, but I can't make you happy. That's your job. So if a man is in a relationship where all he hears is how bad her life is, and she's always complaining about something, never a positive statement, he will leave. There's no point to the relationship."
I took a moment to digest what initially appeared to be a harsh comment. Reading my mind as he often does he said, "That doesn't mean you can't have a bad day, or come to me to help you sort through an issue. That's part of my committment to you." He then said "You have never been broken. You have been in parts and pieces before, but you bring them to me and ask for help, and we work through it together. You've never desired to stay torn apart. Some women thrive on being broken, and they want to stay that way because it's all they know. Those women will never have a normal, healthy relationship.
You cannot carry around everything that has ever happened to you, every hurt you've ever felt, every name you've been called, every rejection you've ever been subjected to. You have to lay it down, realize there's more to you than all the negative, and move forward."
All of us, men and women alike, should take a long look at what we put into our relationship. Are we lifting our spouse up? Being encouraging and loving? Are we greeting each day with a positive attitude? Are we making that person who lives with us feel like they are a blessing in our lives?
Not every situation is the same, and there are some terrible people out there who have no idea how to love others. I have met them and have seen the damage they cause. However, it doesn't hurt to take stock of your relationship. It might be the difference between life and death....
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Parenting skills
Heb 12:6 "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth"
One of the worst offenses of parenthood is opting to be a child's friend, instead of their parent. It's often easier in the "now" to avoid those hard lines, and hard decisions, by being understanding and sympathetic. It takes less thought and less energy to just say "whatever you want, sweetheart." in order to circumvent a child's wrath. Unfortunately, there are others in the world that couldn't give a rat's hind end what someone else's kid thinks, or feels, or wants. There are rules and regulations, and the rest of the world isn't going to make the concessions you do in order to keep Jr. happy and smiling.
The hard part of parenting is setting boundaries and drawing lines. A mother who says "This ain't happening in my house" and gives the teenager a choice to either comply or leave, is actually setting the example of how the world really works. It doesn't mean that mother doesn't love her child enough to die for them. It just means that she won't compromise ethics and morals in order to avoid confrontation. Often times, this means a temporary severing of the relationship until said child is able to perform a much needed cranial-rectal separation. Again, the mother's (or father's) love is not in question. They are simply standing their ground.
God does this too. When we are living in a blatantly disobedient state, He isn't going to move His boundaries to keep us inside His protective walls. He still loves us, and if we call Him and ask for help, He'll be there, but our relationship with Him is definitely affected by our behavior. When we do finally figure it out He'll be anxiously awaiting our return, just as an earthly parent would be.
In order to be your child's friend, you must first be a parent. God is my friend. But He is my Dad, first and foremost, cause sometimes, a girl just needs her Daddy...
One of the worst offenses of parenthood is opting to be a child's friend, instead of their parent. It's often easier in the "now" to avoid those hard lines, and hard decisions, by being understanding and sympathetic. It takes less thought and less energy to just say "whatever you want, sweetheart." in order to circumvent a child's wrath. Unfortunately, there are others in the world that couldn't give a rat's hind end what someone else's kid thinks, or feels, or wants. There are rules and regulations, and the rest of the world isn't going to make the concessions you do in order to keep Jr. happy and smiling.
The hard part of parenting is setting boundaries and drawing lines. A mother who says "This ain't happening in my house" and gives the teenager a choice to either comply or leave, is actually setting the example of how the world really works. It doesn't mean that mother doesn't love her child enough to die for them. It just means that she won't compromise ethics and morals in order to avoid confrontation. Often times, this means a temporary severing of the relationship until said child is able to perform a much needed cranial-rectal separation. Again, the mother's (or father's) love is not in question. They are simply standing their ground.
God does this too. When we are living in a blatantly disobedient state, He isn't going to move His boundaries to keep us inside His protective walls. He still loves us, and if we call Him and ask for help, He'll be there, but our relationship with Him is definitely affected by our behavior. When we do finally figure it out He'll be anxiously awaiting our return, just as an earthly parent would be.
In order to be your child's friend, you must first be a parent. God is my friend. But He is my Dad, first and foremost, cause sometimes, a girl just needs her Daddy...
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