Mr. Fix it

My husband considers himself an average Joe. He has a blue collar job and a high school education.

But, in some ways, he one is of the most insightful philosophers I've ever met, showing me the difference between learned knowledge and God given wisdom.

He's been known to say things like:

"It's ok to bring baggage into a relationship, just don't live out of the suitcase."
                                                or
"The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence."

We recently had a conversation concerning men and women and how relationships go sour. He said,
"Real men are fixers. That's what we do. As a rule, men deal with broken things on two levels. We either fix them, or dispose of them."

So I translated that into real life by asking "So how does that apply to relationships?"
He responded, "If I love you, and you are broken, then I will try to fix you. I will help you heal, care for you, hold you and be kind to you. But if you like being broken, and refuse help because that's your nature, then I'm disposing of you. We don't hold on to broken things very long. We will eventually toss them out.
Here's the thing," he said. "If all I ever hear out of your mouth is negative statements and complaining, I will try and find out why you are unhappy. Just like you always say, I can do things that please you, but I can't make you happy. That's your job. So if a man is in a relationship where all he hears is how bad her life is, and she's always complaining about something, never a positive statement, he will leave. There's no point to the relationship."
I took a moment to digest what initially appeared to be a harsh comment. Reading my mind as he often does he said, "That doesn't mean you can't have a bad day, or come to me to help you sort through an issue. That's part of my committment to you." He then said "You have never been broken. You have been in parts and pieces before, but you bring them to me and ask for help, and we work through it together. You've never desired to stay torn apart. Some women thrive on being broken, and they want to stay that way because it's all they know. Those women will never have a normal, healthy relationship.
You cannot carry around everything that has ever happened to you, every hurt you've ever felt, every name you've been called, every rejection you've ever been subjected to. You have to lay it down, realize there's more to you than all the negative, and move forward."

All of us, men and women alike, should take a long look at what we put into our relationship. Are we lifting our spouse up? Being encouraging and loving? Are we greeting each day with a positive attitude? Are we making that person who lives with us feel like they are a blessing in our lives?

Not every situation is the same, and there are some terrible people out there who have no idea how to love others. I have met them and have seen the damage they cause. However, it doesn't hurt to take stock of your relationship. It might be the difference between life and death....