owning it

I am 46 years old, 5'4" and weigh in, at this moment, at 202. Now, most women would suffer unspeakable tortures before revealing such information. I figure there's no point to hiding , or lying about your age or your weight.
You don't look any younger or any skinnier if you do.

In 1983 I weighed 113 lbs. It's the least I have ever weighed as an adult. I was 17 years old, and my Drum Major skirt had a 23 inch waist. I still have that skirt, but now it fits around my thigh.
Not that it makes a good garter...

The truth of the matter is, I have been selfish. I have put the needs of my mouth over the needs of my body. I have put my desire for pleasure over my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. I have burdened my body with fat that affects my heart, my bones, my liver, and every other organ that is trying to purify what I toxify.
Fat people have no right to berate a smoker, or a drug user. The only difference is, our drug is legal and acceptable.
But it's still just as dangerous.
Fact is, I have to step back and own it. I am a fat girl. I have made choices that have brought me here. I have looked in the mirror, seen what I was doing, and chose to ignore it. I have provided for myself the pleasure of the flesh, and in doing so have damaged the first thing God ever entrusted me with...My own body. I have broken that trust.
Shame on me.

So, with forgiveness in hand,  I embark upon this journey to regain what I lost, and lose what I so stupidly gained.

On Tuesday, February 14, I logged on to the Weight Watcher's site and signed up. I decided that maybe this would be the thing that changed my world.

But, I also know that in the end, the only thing that can change my world is me.