I am 46 years old, 5'4" and weigh in, at this moment, at 202. Now, most women would suffer unspeakable tortures before revealing such information. I figure there's no point to hiding , or lying about your age or your weight.
You don't look any younger or any skinnier if you do.
In 1983 I weighed 113 lbs. It's the least I have ever weighed as an adult. I was 17 years old, and my Drum Major skirt had a 23 inch waist. I still have that skirt, but now it fits around my thigh.
Not that it makes a good garter...
The truth of the matter is, I have been selfish. I have put the needs of my mouth over the needs of my body. I have put my desire for pleasure over my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. I have burdened my body with fat that affects my heart, my bones, my liver, and every other organ that is trying to purify what I toxify.
Fat people have no right to berate a smoker, or a drug user. The only difference is, our drug is legal and acceptable.
But it's still just as dangerous.
Fact is, I have to step back and own it. I am a fat girl. I have made choices that have brought me here. I have looked in the mirror, seen what I was doing, and chose to ignore it. I have provided for myself the pleasure of the flesh, and in doing so have damaged the first thing God ever entrusted me with...My own body. I have broken that trust.
Shame on me.
So, with forgiveness in hand, I embark upon this journey to regain what I lost, and lose what I so stupidly gained.
On Tuesday, February 14, I logged on to the Weight Watcher's site and signed up. I decided that maybe this would be the thing that changed my world.
But, I also know that in the end, the only thing that can change my world is me.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
who's the Boss?
Ephisians 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
"I may be the head of the household, boys, but my wife is the neck!"
My husband loves to throw that one-liner out during church functions. It hints at the fact that although women are supposed to be submissive, they are still a very integral part of a man's support system and decision making process. It takes an artful and graceful woman to walk that fine line between supporting and usurping. It takes a strong woman to stand back and say "It's your decision." It takes a discerning woman to gently guide that head back into the right direction.
Yes, as women, we are definitely the neck. Without us, the head would have no ability to see from all angles. Thus, being the neck holds much responsibility.
Submission has become somewhat of a dirty word with a negative connotation. We see a woman battered and abused by a controlling man. We see barefoot and pregnant, jumping up at the mere tinkling of an empty glass. We see a woman void of self-esteem and self-confidence, watching her life wither away and die.
It couldn't be farther from the truth.
Interestingly, in this passage, God commanded a woman to be submissive, but He did not command her to love her husband. He did, however, command the man to love his wife. In fact, the command was not just to love her, but love her enough to make sacrifices for her. To love her as Christ loved the church.
That is a really tall order.
So, we get a man (if we choose wisely) who will take responsibility for the decisions he makes, love us with a God kind of love, be willing to make sacrifices for us, cover us, protect us and even be willing to kill or die for us, and all we have to do is let him be the head of the family.
Wow...
Another saying my husband frequently throws out is:
"She treats me like a dog! She makes sure I have plenty to eat, and that I have a cold drink on a hot day, let's me lay my head in her lap, loves on me and tells me what a good boy I am. At night, she lets me snuggle up against her and scratches me in all the right places. She doesn't even yell at me when I make a mess in the house."
So ladies, don't get too worked up over that submission thing. When you really think about it, we get the better end of the deal.
Anyway, where would a head be without a neck? The body would just be a no-neck monster...
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
"I may be the head of the household, boys, but my wife is the neck!"
My husband loves to throw that one-liner out during church functions. It hints at the fact that although women are supposed to be submissive, they are still a very integral part of a man's support system and decision making process. It takes an artful and graceful woman to walk that fine line between supporting and usurping. It takes a strong woman to stand back and say "It's your decision." It takes a discerning woman to gently guide that head back into the right direction.
Yes, as women, we are definitely the neck. Without us, the head would have no ability to see from all angles. Thus, being the neck holds much responsibility.
Submission has become somewhat of a dirty word with a negative connotation. We see a woman battered and abused by a controlling man. We see barefoot and pregnant, jumping up at the mere tinkling of an empty glass. We see a woman void of self-esteem and self-confidence, watching her life wither away and die.
It couldn't be farther from the truth.
Interestingly, in this passage, God commanded a woman to be submissive, but He did not command her to love her husband. He did, however, command the man to love his wife. In fact, the command was not just to love her, but love her enough to make sacrifices for her. To love her as Christ loved the church.
That is a really tall order.
So, we get a man (if we choose wisely) who will take responsibility for the decisions he makes, love us with a God kind of love, be willing to make sacrifices for us, cover us, protect us and even be willing to kill or die for us, and all we have to do is let him be the head of the family.
Wow...
Another saying my husband frequently throws out is:
"She treats me like a dog! She makes sure I have plenty to eat, and that I have a cold drink on a hot day, let's me lay my head in her lap, loves on me and tells me what a good boy I am. At night, she lets me snuggle up against her and scratches me in all the right places. She doesn't even yell at me when I make a mess in the house."
So ladies, don't get too worked up over that submission thing. When you really think about it, we get the better end of the deal.
Anyway, where would a head be without a neck? The body would just be a no-neck monster...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Mr. Fix it
My husband considers himself an average Joe. He has a blue collar job and a high school education.
But, in some ways, he one is of the most insightful philosophers I've ever met, showing me the difference between learned knowledge and God given wisdom.
He's been known to say things like:
"It's ok to bring baggage into a relationship, just don't live out of the suitcase."
or
"The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence."
We recently had a conversation concerning men and women and how relationships go sour. He said,
"Real men are fixers. That's what we do. As a rule, men deal with broken things on two levels. We either fix them, or dispose of them."
So I translated that into real life by asking "So how does that apply to relationships?"
He responded, "If I love you, and you are broken, then I will try to fix you. I will help you heal, care for you, hold you and be kind to you. But if you like being broken, and refuse help because that's your nature, then I'm disposing of you. We don't hold on to broken things very long. We will eventually toss them out.
Here's the thing," he said. "If all I ever hear out of your mouth is negative statements and complaining, I will try and find out why you are unhappy. Just like you always say, I can do things that please you, but I can't make you happy. That's your job. So if a man is in a relationship where all he hears is how bad her life is, and she's always complaining about something, never a positive statement, he will leave. There's no point to the relationship."
I took a moment to digest what initially appeared to be a harsh comment. Reading my mind as he often does he said, "That doesn't mean you can't have a bad day, or come to me to help you sort through an issue. That's part of my committment to you." He then said "You have never been broken. You have been in parts and pieces before, but you bring them to me and ask for help, and we work through it together. You've never desired to stay torn apart. Some women thrive on being broken, and they want to stay that way because it's all they know. Those women will never have a normal, healthy relationship.
You cannot carry around everything that has ever happened to you, every hurt you've ever felt, every name you've been called, every rejection you've ever been subjected to. You have to lay it down, realize there's more to you than all the negative, and move forward."
All of us, men and women alike, should take a long look at what we put into our relationship. Are we lifting our spouse up? Being encouraging and loving? Are we greeting each day with a positive attitude? Are we making that person who lives with us feel like they are a blessing in our lives?
Not every situation is the same, and there are some terrible people out there who have no idea how to love others. I have met them and have seen the damage they cause. However, it doesn't hurt to take stock of your relationship. It might be the difference between life and death....
But, in some ways, he one is of the most insightful philosophers I've ever met, showing me the difference between learned knowledge and God given wisdom.
He's been known to say things like:
"It's ok to bring baggage into a relationship, just don't live out of the suitcase."
or
"The most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence."
We recently had a conversation concerning men and women and how relationships go sour. He said,
"Real men are fixers. That's what we do. As a rule, men deal with broken things on two levels. We either fix them, or dispose of them."
So I translated that into real life by asking "So how does that apply to relationships?"
He responded, "If I love you, and you are broken, then I will try to fix you. I will help you heal, care for you, hold you and be kind to you. But if you like being broken, and refuse help because that's your nature, then I'm disposing of you. We don't hold on to broken things very long. We will eventually toss them out.
Here's the thing," he said. "If all I ever hear out of your mouth is negative statements and complaining, I will try and find out why you are unhappy. Just like you always say, I can do things that please you, but I can't make you happy. That's your job. So if a man is in a relationship where all he hears is how bad her life is, and she's always complaining about something, never a positive statement, he will leave. There's no point to the relationship."
I took a moment to digest what initially appeared to be a harsh comment. Reading my mind as he often does he said, "That doesn't mean you can't have a bad day, or come to me to help you sort through an issue. That's part of my committment to you." He then said "You have never been broken. You have been in parts and pieces before, but you bring them to me and ask for help, and we work through it together. You've never desired to stay torn apart. Some women thrive on being broken, and they want to stay that way because it's all they know. Those women will never have a normal, healthy relationship.
You cannot carry around everything that has ever happened to you, every hurt you've ever felt, every name you've been called, every rejection you've ever been subjected to. You have to lay it down, realize there's more to you than all the negative, and move forward."
All of us, men and women alike, should take a long look at what we put into our relationship. Are we lifting our spouse up? Being encouraging and loving? Are we greeting each day with a positive attitude? Are we making that person who lives with us feel like they are a blessing in our lives?
Not every situation is the same, and there are some terrible people out there who have no idea how to love others. I have met them and have seen the damage they cause. However, it doesn't hurt to take stock of your relationship. It might be the difference between life and death....
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Parenting skills
Heb 12:6 "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth"
One of the worst offenses of parenthood is opting to be a child's friend, instead of their parent. It's often easier in the "now" to avoid those hard lines, and hard decisions, by being understanding and sympathetic. It takes less thought and less energy to just say "whatever you want, sweetheart." in order to circumvent a child's wrath. Unfortunately, there are others in the world that couldn't give a rat's hind end what someone else's kid thinks, or feels, or wants. There are rules and regulations, and the rest of the world isn't going to make the concessions you do in order to keep Jr. happy and smiling.
The hard part of parenting is setting boundaries and drawing lines. A mother who says "This ain't happening in my house" and gives the teenager a choice to either comply or leave, is actually setting the example of how the world really works. It doesn't mean that mother doesn't love her child enough to die for them. It just means that she won't compromise ethics and morals in order to avoid confrontation. Often times, this means a temporary severing of the relationship until said child is able to perform a much needed cranial-rectal separation. Again, the mother's (or father's) love is not in question. They are simply standing their ground.
God does this too. When we are living in a blatantly disobedient state, He isn't going to move His boundaries to keep us inside His protective walls. He still loves us, and if we call Him and ask for help, He'll be there, but our relationship with Him is definitely affected by our behavior. When we do finally figure it out He'll be anxiously awaiting our return, just as an earthly parent would be.
In order to be your child's friend, you must first be a parent. God is my friend. But He is my Dad, first and foremost, cause sometimes, a girl just needs her Daddy...
One of the worst offenses of parenthood is opting to be a child's friend, instead of their parent. It's often easier in the "now" to avoid those hard lines, and hard decisions, by being understanding and sympathetic. It takes less thought and less energy to just say "whatever you want, sweetheart." in order to circumvent a child's wrath. Unfortunately, there are others in the world that couldn't give a rat's hind end what someone else's kid thinks, or feels, or wants. There are rules and regulations, and the rest of the world isn't going to make the concessions you do in order to keep Jr. happy and smiling.
The hard part of parenting is setting boundaries and drawing lines. A mother who says "This ain't happening in my house" and gives the teenager a choice to either comply or leave, is actually setting the example of how the world really works. It doesn't mean that mother doesn't love her child enough to die for them. It just means that she won't compromise ethics and morals in order to avoid confrontation. Often times, this means a temporary severing of the relationship until said child is able to perform a much needed cranial-rectal separation. Again, the mother's (or father's) love is not in question. They are simply standing their ground.
God does this too. When we are living in a blatantly disobedient state, He isn't going to move His boundaries to keep us inside His protective walls. He still loves us, and if we call Him and ask for help, He'll be there, but our relationship with Him is definitely affected by our behavior. When we do finally figure it out He'll be anxiously awaiting our return, just as an earthly parent would be.
In order to be your child's friend, you must first be a parent. God is my friend. But He is my Dad, first and foremost, cause sometimes, a girl just needs her Daddy...
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My Hero
Hero: a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
When my husband was 18 years old, he wanted to be a Marine. His father was a Marine, as was his grandfather and great-grandfather and so on and so forth. Unfortunately things didn't work out, so being a Marine was not in his future...
At one time he considered Law Enforcement until he realized you had to protect the guilty from the victim's daddy.
He did a brief stint on the VFD, but full time Fire Fighting didn't happen, either.
My husband has a great desire to be a hero. In his mind the above vocations offer a man that opportunity. As each year passes, and he gets another year older, I often see the what-ifs in his eyes.
It amazes me that he doesn't see the heroism I see.
He may not boast a military allegiance, but in the Army of the Lord, he is quite a soldier. He may never save someone from a burning building, but many will be rescued from the fires of hell. He may never take a bullet in the line of duty, but fiery darts of the wicked are aimed at him constantly for the ministry's sake. He has never ran from responsibility, and he has always had my back.
Sacrifices are made every day by ordinary men who get up, go to work, come home, and flee from temptation. They father children they did not sire, bolster the weak, protect the innocent, and guide the lost. They show those who are broken how they can be mended. They speak softly and still make an impression. They stand for what they believe to be true.
Every good man is a hero to someone.
Who's yours?
Friday, December 16, 2011
Crīstesmæsse
Crīstesmæsse is old English for Christmas, literally meaning, "A mass for Christ" Mass comes from the old Latin "missa" or dismissal, and has morphed into "mission" meaning you can now leave and be about your mission.
So in essence, celebrating Christmas means you are (or should be) on a mission for Christ.
I am a Christian. I celebrate, serve, love and honor, to the best of my human ability, Christ the Savior. I am not of the Jewish faith (though I did discover many of my ancestors were) so therefore I do not celebrate Hanukkah. Neither am I African-American, so Kwanza in not on my holiday list either.
However, if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza, I would simply smile, say "Thank you, you too!" and be on my way. I am not intimidated by other's beliefs, nor do I wish them any harm or oppression.
But, I would not be so hypocritical as to take advantage of the above holidays, just because it behooved me.
If one does not wish to celebrate Christmas, then one is not required to do so. There is no law on the books that says just because a bar advertises free drinks for women on ladies night that I have to go in and drink. Just because the strip club downtown says "Come in and meet nice girls" doesn't mean my husband is obliged to do so. If a store is having a 50% off sale it doesn't mean I must go in and buy twice as much as I normally would.
Just because someone puts up a sign that says "Merry Christmas" and a school sings "Silent Night" or "Oh Hanukkah!Oh Hanukkah!" at a holiday program, doesn't mean one has to believe in Christ, Judaism, or go to the program.
Freedom of religion means just that. You choose to participate, or not participate. Seeing something that offends you doesn't require your participation in it. It just means it's there. Just like bars, strip joints, mosques, temples or churches.
My advice to everyone is, let it be. Stop trying to justify your beliefs by suppressing those of others, and stop thinking that everyone has an agenda to change your opinion. If you are rooted and grounded in your belief, you shouldn't feel the need to justify it by stifling others.
Please, enjoy the season however you see fit, and allow me to do the same...just remember, if, on Dec 25th, you pass out gifts and get the day off with pay, you are taking advantage of the holiday set forth by Christians to honor Christ.
Without Him, that particular day of giving and sharing would not be.
Happy Whatever to you! Hope it's the best ever!
So in essence, celebrating Christmas means you are (or should be) on a mission for Christ.
I am a Christian. I celebrate, serve, love and honor, to the best of my human ability, Christ the Savior. I am not of the Jewish faith (though I did discover many of my ancestors were) so therefore I do not celebrate Hanukkah. Neither am I African-American, so Kwanza in not on my holiday list either.
However, if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza, I would simply smile, say "Thank you, you too!" and be on my way. I am not intimidated by other's beliefs, nor do I wish them any harm or oppression.
But, I would not be so hypocritical as to take advantage of the above holidays, just because it behooved me.
If one does not wish to celebrate Christmas, then one is not required to do so. There is no law on the books that says just because a bar advertises free drinks for women on ladies night that I have to go in and drink. Just because the strip club downtown says "Come in and meet nice girls" doesn't mean my husband is obliged to do so. If a store is having a 50% off sale it doesn't mean I must go in and buy twice as much as I normally would.
Just because someone puts up a sign that says "Merry Christmas" and a school sings "Silent Night" or "Oh Hanukkah!Oh Hanukkah!" at a holiday program, doesn't mean one has to believe in Christ, Judaism, or go to the program.
Freedom of religion means just that. You choose to participate, or not participate. Seeing something that offends you doesn't require your participation in it. It just means it's there. Just like bars, strip joints, mosques, temples or churches.
My advice to everyone is, let it be. Stop trying to justify your beliefs by suppressing those of others, and stop thinking that everyone has an agenda to change your opinion. If you are rooted and grounded in your belief, you shouldn't feel the need to justify it by stifling others.
Please, enjoy the season however you see fit, and allow me to do the same...just remember, if, on Dec 25th, you pass out gifts and get the day off with pay, you are taking advantage of the holiday set forth by Christians to honor Christ.
Without Him, that particular day of giving and sharing would not be.
Happy Whatever to you! Hope it's the best ever!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
In God We Trust
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest
I have a morning routine that seldom changes, even on my days off. Alarm-bathroom-dresser-closet-feed and water dogs-get Tom up.
That's where things get really interesting.
My wonderful, patient, giving, loving and compassionate husband is not a morning person. And by "morning", I mean any time before noon if it's his day off. In order for me to get us to work on time, my morning goes something like this...
"Tom, honey, it's time to get up." I usually say this several times..
At some point, one foot slides from under the covers and raises up. That's my cue to put on his socks, which I do most every morning. (He can't sleep with socks on) If I don't see the foot voluntarily arise from it's cocoon, I gently tap his foot and he responds by lifting it, much like my old horse, Jim, used to!
"Tom, it's 6:15, honey, it's time to get up" (we leave at 6:30). This usually results in a repostioning of the body; a roll, a wiggle, or, if I'm really lucky, I get to see the whites of his eyes...
"C'mon, Thomas!" My voice gets a little more stern at this point. "You are already late!"
"Late" is the magic word. He hates to be late for work, mostly because he doesn't want to stay over and make it up.
Once awake, he gets going pretty well, and can get ready fairly quickly. I believe he does this for one reason and one reason only.
Once in the car, he goes back to sleep. He kicks back, pulls his hat down, and snoozes the entire 45 minute drive from Mitchell to Bloomington.
Dog...
This morning I looked over and caught a glimpse of him in the random headlights, and his peaceful slumber amused me, and inspired me.
In this thing we call life, it is often difficult to rest. We fuss and worry, we hit our invisible brake, grab the dash and, as Tom so laughingly accuses me of when he drives, look ahead for miles just in case the road gets a little dangerous. We often forget God wants to be in the driver's seat! We should be able to lay back, rest and rejuvenate, so that we can be ready to take the wheel when the time is right. We can trust Him to gets us where we need to be, on time, in order to do the job He has assigned to us.
It's all about having faith in the guy behind the wheel.
When I pull into the parking lot, he begans to rouse. He gets out, stretches, groans and smiles at me. As he prepares to slide into the driver's seat he leans over, kisses me and says "Thank you, baby. That's the best sleep I get."
When life gets crazy, and exhausting, and you just can't seem to find any peace, I suggest you just pull over, kick back in the passenger seat and say "Why don't you drive awhile." It'll be the best sleep you get.
Rest easy my friends...God's got this...
I have a morning routine that seldom changes, even on my days off. Alarm-bathroom-dresser-closet-feed and water dogs-get Tom up.
That's where things get really interesting.
My wonderful, patient, giving, loving and compassionate husband is not a morning person. And by "morning", I mean any time before noon if it's his day off. In order for me to get us to work on time, my morning goes something like this...
"Tom, honey, it's time to get up." I usually say this several times..
At some point, one foot slides from under the covers and raises up. That's my cue to put on his socks, which I do most every morning. (He can't sleep with socks on) If I don't see the foot voluntarily arise from it's cocoon, I gently tap his foot and he responds by lifting it, much like my old horse, Jim, used to!
"Tom, it's 6:15, honey, it's time to get up" (we leave at 6:30). This usually results in a repostioning of the body; a roll, a wiggle, or, if I'm really lucky, I get to see the whites of his eyes...
"C'mon, Thomas!" My voice gets a little more stern at this point. "You are already late!"
"Late" is the magic word. He hates to be late for work, mostly because he doesn't want to stay over and make it up.
Once awake, he gets going pretty well, and can get ready fairly quickly. I believe he does this for one reason and one reason only.
Once in the car, he goes back to sleep. He kicks back, pulls his hat down, and snoozes the entire 45 minute drive from Mitchell to Bloomington.
Dog...
This morning I looked over and caught a glimpse of him in the random headlights, and his peaceful slumber amused me, and inspired me.
In this thing we call life, it is often difficult to rest. We fuss and worry, we hit our invisible brake, grab the dash and, as Tom so laughingly accuses me of when he drives, look ahead for miles just in case the road gets a little dangerous. We often forget God wants to be in the driver's seat! We should be able to lay back, rest and rejuvenate, so that we can be ready to take the wheel when the time is right. We can trust Him to gets us where we need to be, on time, in order to do the job He has assigned to us.
It's all about having faith in the guy behind the wheel.
When I pull into the parking lot, he begans to rouse. He gets out, stretches, groans and smiles at me. As he prepares to slide into the driver's seat he leans over, kisses me and says "Thank you, baby. That's the best sleep I get."
When life gets crazy, and exhausting, and you just can't seem to find any peace, I suggest you just pull over, kick back in the passenger seat and say "Why don't you drive awhile." It'll be the best sleep you get.
Rest easy my friends...God's got this...
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