One of Many First...

After 48 Mother's Days spent together, this Mother's Day will be the first without my Mama. Her passing was bittersweet, I suppose. She was ready, we were not. Her gain became our loss, her healing became our injury.

Her triumph became our tragedy...

 In honor of her, I would like to impart just a smidgen of her wisdom.


  Act like you got some sense.
   (This was a precursor to, "I'm fixin' to jerk you up and have a chill with you!")

  Realize, the only thing worse than a drunken man is a drunken woman.

  Don't go anywhere you can't take your kids, and you won't be anywhere you don't need to be.

 When you lose a good reputation, it's hard to get it back.

  Children eat first.

  Know that you can make it without a man, because no matter what his intentions...life  changes.

 Being called a little idiot isn't always a bad thing, depending on the situation.

 A good mother will kill or die for her children, and face any danger without batting an eye. 

 God will carry you through if you let Him. 

 Don't ask God, "Why me?" Ask yourself, "Why not me?"

 You can help some people so much they forget how to help themselves.

 Quit yelling at your kids. It doesn't help.

 You may have to get a second job.

 Make sure the dog's got plenty water.

 Getcha something to eat.

 Make your bed in the morning. 

 Throw in a load of laundry before you go to work.

 Put a little money back.

 Pay your bills early. 

 Act like a lady, you'll be treated like a lady. (works in reverse, too.)

 And for God's sake, you little idiot, brush that nasty hair, you look like the Bell Witch!


Dorothy Lee Lyle
9-2-1932
5-3-2015

Insight and Ignorance

Today I held a precious grandchild of mine while she cried tears of frustration and anger over a comment made by a judge. The judge informed her the man she refers to as "Daddy" is not, nor will ever be, her "real dad". In the judge's opinion, the man who ended up in jail with multiple counts of criminal activity, who was abusive and manipulative, and who has earned nothing but loathing from this child, is her "real dad". I think the judge needs educated. Real dads discipline in love, they don't punish in anger. Real dads put themselves last, not first. Real dads protect, not destroy. Real dads don't hurt you until you cry, they hurt those who make you cry. Real dads spend summers leaning over the fence at the baseball field and go camping on rainy weekends in order to keep a promise. They pull their hair out over math homework and teach you how to change a tire. They stare down young men and set a good example of what their daughters should expect from their future husbands. They allow them to grow, while keeping their environment safe and stable. They give them away in marriage....but not completely. There are many "real dads" in my family that would not fit this woman's definition. Fathers through legal adoption, dads through inheritance by marriage, and dads who chose to remain dads even after divorce gave them a way out. Dads in my circle are dads forever. Not just when the law says they are, and not just to those who share their DNA. Sperm makes you a sperm donor. Your actions make you a father. Your Honor,since you don't seem to have any idea what the definition of real is, I'm posting the definition for you...just so you'll know. Real: of or relating to fixed, permanent, or immovable things : not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory : Real fathers are fixed, permanent and immovable. They are genuine, honest and real And, just so you know, this young lady doesn't carry my genes, either. I inherited her and her brother a couple years ago. But I am as real to her as the sun in the sky, the grass under her feet, and the man who tucks her in at night. The man she calls her real dad.

Hard Lessons

Dear child,
  In case no one has ever told you, you are not indestructible.

 You are not immortal.

You are not immune to the laws of nature, nor the acts of evil men. You can be harmed. You can live a life trapped in a body so badly broken that you no longer have the ability to toilet yourself, feed yourself or dress yourself.

You can die...

Putting yourself in the car with a drunk (even if that drunk is you) is the same as stepping into a lions den. Whose fault will it be when you get devoured? Who will pay the price for your poor choice. Your mother? Your father? The others standing over your casket weeping until they are exhausted from the pain?

Walking the streets in the middle of the night, especially under the influence of drugs or alcohol, is playing Russian Roulette. Nocturnal predators are not just 4-legged. Many are two-legged and four-wheeled. Whether they stalk their prey by moonlight, starlight or street light, they are still deadly. You can only hope that death is swift and that your captor doesn't enjoy playing with his prey before he makes the kill.

You can smirk, mock, cry and argue all you want to, but try defending your actions to those who have suffered from the same. Tell the boy lying in a nursing home with tubes in every orifice. Tell the girl curled up in a vegetative state lying in a hospital bed in what used to be a normal bedroom.

Tell their parents.

Tell them it won't happen to you. Tell them you'll be fine. Tell them you're different...immortal...untouchable.

And then tell God, when you meet Him way too soon...

Deprogramming

Gen 3:11 And He said, “Who told you that you were naked?

  In the 1970's a study was done that pitted college students into adversarial roles; prison guards and inmates.Those assigned as inmates stayed within the confines of their cells, and those appointed guards were allowed to carry on life as usual after their duties each day. The two-week study was aborted after 6 days due to the psychological changes that took place within each participant. The prisoners took on the role of powerless captive, and the guards became aggressive authoritarians lacking compassion. They had allowed their situation to change them, even though it wasn't real.

  As Christians, we need to realize that not only does God exist, so does Satan and his minions. There is evil in the world, and it doesn't come from God.

John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Ephesians 6:12
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

  Adam and Eve didn't know they were naked until the devil told them they were. They didn't feel shame until he impressed upon them that they should. What is he telling you, directly and indirectly through the people around you? We all have those people who delight in making us feel less than worthy. People who will cause us, at some point in time, to doubt our self-worth, our morality, our integrity, and even our ability to be loved. We are placed in situations that have the potential to make us believe we are what we are not.

  But, I ask you, who told you that? Was it God? No, God will never tell you that you aren't loved when you are, or place condemnation and shame on you when you have done your best. Those things are not from God. Those things are from Satan himself, and it's the same manipulative tactics he's used for thousands of years. He even used them on Jesus himself...

 

  However, Jesus never doubted His identity or His purpose. He knew that He was who God said He was, and nothing less.

And so are you.

  So, the next time you hear, either audibly, or somewhere in your wounded psyche, that you are less than what God says you are, ask yourself, "Who told me that?"

And never, ever believe a liar...



Maintenance

I've heard them hundreds of times throughout my life. They comes from the lips of fathers, brothers and husbands everywhere. If you're a woman, I know you've heard them too. They are phrases that include, but are not limited to,

"When's the last time you checked the oil in this thing?"

"That tire's low, better stop and get some air 'fore it goes flat. Make sure you check the sidewall to see how much to put in it. Don't over-inflate!"

"What's your antifreeze readin' at? Winter's comin'"

....and so on and so on.

They focus on maintenance, upkeep and prevention. After all, a ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right? (Plus they know, in most cases, they are the ones who have to fix it, or pay to have it fixed.)

But, sometimes, just maybe, they forget about something just as important. Something they depend on every day. Something they would miss if they woke up one day and it was gone...

Much like the earth itself, women are viewed by their families as having unlimited resources. They are drawn from on a regular basis, but rarely are they attended to. One would not think of driving one's car endlessly without paying attention to the gas gauge! Let a man smell the slightest hint of "hot" coming from under his hood and he's pulling over to investigate. My own would emphatically state, "This vehicle is not moving one inch further. Call a wrecker." They are very intune to those potential mehanical failures, but often miss the damage they cause their relationships through unrealized neglect. It's not intentional, any more than a teenager running out of gas.

Still, it doesn't change the outcome. Your car still won't run.

 But your wife might...

Fellas, it's like this...You either love her, or you don't. You either want her, or you'd rather be without her. But ignoring her and neglecting her should never be acceptable. As women we are born into competition. We feel it from the moment another little girl says, "I'm prettier than you." From that day forward, we continuely compare ourselves to the other women around us. We look to you for validation. We look to you for approval. Many may not admit it, but we need you to say you notice, and appreciate, what we do. We need to know that we have your full attention, if only for a hour. A look, a touch, a soft word. Listen to your wife as closely as you listen to your engine. Be mindful of those subtle changes in her response time, in the sound of her voice. Notice when things might be getting a little over-heated and stop long enough to investigate. If you don't, the whole thing might just blow up in your face...

Malnutrition

Psalms 34:8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.


When my daughter took her (then) boyfriend to meet her grandmother, the first thing she told him was, "She's gonna wanna feed you." Sure enough, Grandma offered up a plethora of choices ranging from pies and puddings to soups and casseroles. Never, ever does anyone leave her house hungry. If you do it's your own dang fault. I dare say that none of us have ever arisen from a table full of food still hungry, unless we were limiting ourselves for a reason.

My husband often questions the lack of knowledge and understanding many Christians seem to exhibit. "They stand there and say they're in church every Sunday, but their lives are an emotional train wreck. How can they not know how to find peace?"

It's a little like sitting down, starving, at a table full of food and not eating a bite.

The bible tells us to "taste" the Lord and see that He is good. Taste is the only sense that is basically voluntary and self-controlled. You can hear things you don't want to hear, feel things you don't want to feel, see things you don't want to see, (just go to the beach!) and smell things you'd rather not smell. (reference the song "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.) But rarely do we taste something without our consent. We open up, draw it inside ourselves and experience it's flavor and texture in order to determine if it's "good" or not.

God is good in so many ways! He has a multitude of flavors and textures to explore. He can fill the emptiness inside you and satisfy the hunger that is eating away at you. He has a table full of blessing spread out before you, just waiting for you to partake of the feast! His bounty is endless, and it's available to you the moment you sit at His table.

Just remember, if you walk away hungry, it's your own dang fault...

June 4, 1928-Novemeber 14, 1979

  My Pastor has a saying,

 "God will forgive you, but the laws of nature may not." In other words, while God has promised to offer you forgiveness for whatever sin you may have committed, the self-abuse of your body is at the mercy of nature itself...

...And she is a vicious Mistress.

As this holiday of remembrance and reflection moves into full swing, I am reminded of the one man who fits this bill more than any.

My father.

As a child, my first memories of my father were of a man who seemed very old and very ill. Cardiovascular disease had started it's erosive process, and to my dismay, my father made no attempts to thwart it. If anything, he assisted in his own drawn out demise. The Dr. said "Lose weight." Dad said "I'll eat what I want." The Dr. warned, "If you continue smoking, it's going to kill you." Dad said "A man's gotta die of something." The Dr. said, "Get some exercise!" Dad said "I can't breath now."

And on and on and on.....

Slowly, but surely, I could see not only battles being lost, but the war as well. A heart attack here, a stroke there, blood clots cropping up in various limbs. Speech slowing, gait becoming more unsteady, and yet the bad habits continued.
No amount of begging, pleading, or cajoling could stop him from his self-destruction,  or from his suicidal tendency. He was more in love with his murderers than he was with anyone in his family.

I can still recall the moment when the gravity of the situation hit me right between the eyes. My sister was contemplating marriage, and I asked my father if he could give her away without crying. He assured me he could. Then I asked him if he was going to give me away when I married the man of my dreams. He took a drag off is camel stud and shook his head. I teased him by saying "What? You're not going to let me go?" Without looking at me, he simply said "I'll be dead by the time you marry."

He was an honest man at least.

My father was dead by the time I married. He was dead before I went to the prom, before I  got my license, before I learned how to drive, even before I entered high school.

Gone. Fini. Dead.

Today I challenge each one of you to take a long look at yourself, your life, and the decisions you are making that will impact not only your future, but the future of those you love, and those who love you.

 Step back and ask yourself if you want to be a memory, or make one.