Throughout my life there have been only a handful of places where I felt truely comfortable. Not just welcomed, but an actual piece to the puzzle, an integral part of the whole. A feeling as if, during it's creation, the creator thought of me.
One of those places was the farm on which I grew up. The creek that ran through it sang me to peace many times. The killdeer that scurried about brought hours of laughter and enjoyment. The smell that is horse sweat, leather and sweet feed assail me still, when I have the courage to let my memory wander back that far.
A few short miles from my own personal heaven was another. It was the home of my Godparents, and my parents' best friends, the Peines.
As a young girl, I remember visiting their house of an evening with my parents. The ladies would converge in the living room, and the men would sit around the kitchen table and talk dogs, horses, and anything else that came to mind. The room was full of colorful phrases and booming laughter, hot coffee and cigarette smoke...and one small girl, sitting at her father's feet, or occasionally on his knee. This was my entertainment. To me, it was better than Ringling Brothers, the county fair or the school carnival. Attempts to entice me into the living room were ignored.
The ladies were boring!
The men....well...they had stories to tell. They also had mannerism and habits to which my mother prefer I not be exposed. "Get your feet off the table Tom Peine!" became such a catch phrase in our family, my oldest granddaughter actually asked me one day who he was. Apparently she had put her feet on her Mama's kitchen table, and when swatted for doing so, was admonished in the same way I had been during my own childhood!
Unfortunately, time takes us all captive. People die, farms are sold, your welcome grows cold...but the memories, oh how the memories remain....
Long after my father died, I went to visit his best friend on Memorial Day. I chose to do that over putting flowers on the grave that holds his earthly remians.
As we sat on the back porch silently enjoying the sunshine, Tom took a deep breath, squinted out over the field in front of us and said, "I sure do miss your daddy."
I whispered, "So do I."
He then began to smile, the smile turning into laughter as he spoke,
"Did I ever tell you about the time...."
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
For the Good of the Child...
1 Samuel 1:26-28
'...and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.
The above words were spoken by Hannah, mother of Samuel. She had a miracle child, and like most mothers, she loved him very deeply. So much in fact, she gave him back to the Lord, because she felt like it was the best thing for him. She did not think of herself, or what she desired. She only had her child's best interests at heart. Samuel became a great prophet in Israel. Something he would not have done if his mother had sought her own will for him.
I wonder if the parents of children suffering through a divorce ever think of their children's welfare the way Hannah did Samuel's.
In most cases, it seems very doubtful.
People have often asked me how my ex and I kept things so civil. I tell them it was fairly easy. We both continue to parent our children together, and put their feelings far above our own. Though both of us had obvious faults and failings, loving our daughters wasn't one of them.
Holidays were their choice. Weekends too.
They never asked me "Can I go to dad's" they just said "I'm going to dad's"
He only stopped being my husband, he did not stop being their father.
Divorce does not give the custodial parent exclusive rights to a child's love and affection.
Divorce does not give anyone the right to degrade a child's parent. Children don't need to hear negative comments about their mother or father. It's emotionally detrimental, and completely unnecessary!
Divorce does not give anyone the right to undermine another's relationship with a child.
And it certainly doesn't make it ok to keep a child from someone they love, and who loves them, just out of spite.
While I do realize there are situations in which children may not understand the need to be protected from an unstable parent, more often than not, it's simply one parent trying to "one up" the other. This is done when one's hatred for their ex exceeds their love for their child.Their need to destroy the other person becomes so intense, they never notice their son or daughter has become a casualty.
Damage, pain, fear, emotional torment...sounds suspiciously like abuse...doesn't it?
'...and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. 27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there.
The above words were spoken by Hannah, mother of Samuel. She had a miracle child, and like most mothers, she loved him very deeply. So much in fact, she gave him back to the Lord, because she felt like it was the best thing for him. She did not think of herself, or what she desired. She only had her child's best interests at heart. Samuel became a great prophet in Israel. Something he would not have done if his mother had sought her own will for him.
I wonder if the parents of children suffering through a divorce ever think of their children's welfare the way Hannah did Samuel's.
In most cases, it seems very doubtful.
People have often asked me how my ex and I kept things so civil. I tell them it was fairly easy. We both continue to parent our children together, and put their feelings far above our own. Though both of us had obvious faults and failings, loving our daughters wasn't one of them.
Holidays were their choice. Weekends too.
They never asked me "Can I go to dad's" they just said "I'm going to dad's"
He only stopped being my husband, he did not stop being their father.
Divorce does not give the custodial parent exclusive rights to a child's love and affection.
Divorce does not give anyone the right to degrade a child's parent. Children don't need to hear negative comments about their mother or father. It's emotionally detrimental, and completely unnecessary!
Divorce does not give anyone the right to undermine another's relationship with a child.
And it certainly doesn't make it ok to keep a child from someone they love, and who loves them, just out of spite.
While I do realize there are situations in which children may not understand the need to be protected from an unstable parent, more often than not, it's simply one parent trying to "one up" the other. This is done when one's hatred for their ex exceeds their love for their child.Their need to destroy the other person becomes so intense, they never notice their son or daughter has become a casualty.
Damage, pain, fear, emotional torment...sounds suspiciously like abuse...doesn't it?
Friday, March 2, 2012
All's Fair
Recently, there have many articles written, many protests staged, and many Facebook posts regarding several hot topics and controversial subjects. I have read entries on gay marriage, abortion, assisted suicide, and, just last night, an article touting infanticide as an "after-birth abortion" that should logically(?) be viewed in the same light.
The people that support these things do so armed with the mindset that what they do in their personal life is no one's business. They claim their decisions have no bearing on anyone else's life. "My life, my body, my choice."
In the court of morality, our society has insisted that biblical testimony be stricken from the record. Our government maintains that the rights of one's fist end at the tip of another's nose. If that be the case, then I say, let's be fair.
If a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, (and the fetus it carries) women and men should have the right to make decisions concerning all body parts, and the use thereof. Legalize prostitution, euthanasia and allow people to auction off their organs. After all, if you want me to have complete control over what I do with my body, that should be all-inclusive.
To go a step further, what about the fetus's father. Why does he have no rights? If the woman decides to terminate against his wishes, he is denied a child. If she chooses to continue against his wishes, he has a child thrust upon him. That's a bit of a double standard. One can argue that the woman has to have the baby, and I agree that's true. But what if it's the other way around. She has the right to decided she doesn't want a child, but he does not?
If no one has the right to say who you marry, then let it be across the board. Although I prefer a heterosexual, monogamous relationship based on biblical standards, I see no reason to limit the alternatives. Let polygamy be a legal and acceptable union. If three women choose to align themselves with one man, and all involved are happy and in agreement, then let them be. If the government has concerns with benefits, let them set a limit and have that amount divided amongst them. It needn't be an issue if handled correctly.
On the same note, millions of dollars could and would be saved, as well as many an innocent life, if drugs were handled like alcohol. Let's get down where the rubber meets the road. Tobacco and alcohol are just as erosive to human life and existence as anything else. No drug wars, no cartels, fewer law enforcement officials being killed during routine traffic stops. Legalize it, tax it,(after all, money is the real issue here) monitor it, and let natural selection take it's course. If someone's fist is caught too close to another's nose, then jail them. Otherwise, stay out of their life.
Morality cannot be policed, it cannot be enforced and it cannot be mandated. It can only be encouraged. Each of us has to look into our own hearts and decided for ourselves where we stand. I can only hope I am standing on the correct side..
The people that support these things do so armed with the mindset that what they do in their personal life is no one's business. They claim their decisions have no bearing on anyone else's life. "My life, my body, my choice."
In the court of morality, our society has insisted that biblical testimony be stricken from the record. Our government maintains that the rights of one's fist end at the tip of another's nose. If that be the case, then I say, let's be fair.
If a woman has a right to do what she wants with her body, (and the fetus it carries) women and men should have the right to make decisions concerning all body parts, and the use thereof. Legalize prostitution, euthanasia and allow people to auction off their organs. After all, if you want me to have complete control over what I do with my body, that should be all-inclusive.
To go a step further, what about the fetus's father. Why does he have no rights? If the woman decides to terminate against his wishes, he is denied a child. If she chooses to continue against his wishes, he has a child thrust upon him. That's a bit of a double standard. One can argue that the woman has to have the baby, and I agree that's true. But what if it's the other way around. She has the right to decided she doesn't want a child, but he does not?
If no one has the right to say who you marry, then let it be across the board. Although I prefer a heterosexual, monogamous relationship based on biblical standards, I see no reason to limit the alternatives. Let polygamy be a legal and acceptable union. If three women choose to align themselves with one man, and all involved are happy and in agreement, then let them be. If the government has concerns with benefits, let them set a limit and have that amount divided amongst them. It needn't be an issue if handled correctly.
On the same note, millions of dollars could and would be saved, as well as many an innocent life, if drugs were handled like alcohol. Let's get down where the rubber meets the road. Tobacco and alcohol are just as erosive to human life and existence as anything else. No drug wars, no cartels, fewer law enforcement officials being killed during routine traffic stops. Legalize it, tax it,(after all, money is the real issue here) monitor it, and let natural selection take it's course. If someone's fist is caught too close to another's nose, then jail them. Otherwise, stay out of their life.
Morality cannot be policed, it cannot be enforced and it cannot be mandated. It can only be encouraged. Each of us has to look into our own hearts and decided for ourselves where we stand. I can only hope I am standing on the correct side..
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